100 Days and all is well

Well, folks. It has been 100 days since my stem cell transplant (actually the 100 days was on May 21) and I have been through the follow-up tests. All is well!! No cancer cells were found and I am officially in remission. Whopee!

Julie and I celebrated with a trip to Salt Lake City to visit Andrew and Mary. Mary and her friend, Cara Despain, had an exhibit of their art at the Kayo Gallery and I was determined to see it in person. Here is a link to Mary and Andrew’s creative website: http://www.hankiefrankie.com/. Go to their blog scroll down to the “Into the White” area and a bit farther to see the short videos that Andrew put together along with his music to promote the exhibit. We have very creative children – I am claiming our daughter-in-law, Mary, in that statement -- if you meet her, you will understand why.

Julie and I will be continuing our celebration with a Father’s Day trip to Minneapolis to visit Courtney, Tim and Madeline. We have not seen them since April and Madeline is just a delight that cannot be kept in the shadows. We do “Skype” with them regularly but there is nothing like a real live hug, a kiss on the cheek, and the joy of holding Madeline on your lap to read a book or just having a conversation with her, eyeball to eyeball.

Hope. Having hope does not mean everything will turn out the way you want. Dr. Ellen Davis notes that “there is a difference between hope and a foolish optimism.” She reminds us that there is a “realism that we have to have about hope, [because of] how closely it can be mingled with our despair and yet survive.”

Throughout these past ten months, I can say the hope that I experienced is captured in those words. My diagnosis of cancer invoked fear and dreaded anticipation about the effects of the chemotherapy treatment. Hope had to mingle with my fear of the unknown and all the negative images of the future that the word “cancer” stirs up.

But as I moved closer to that fear and my chemo treatments began I tried to let my fear be embraced by my meditations and the loving support of so many. I realized that, for me, it was critical to stay focused on the present moment. My future would not be changed by my worries. Regrets about the past were no more than vapors of my memory. Now, this moment, was the reality of my life.

Surprisingly, and with the constant presence of a loving companion, in my focus on the moments of the present “all” was well. That’s not to say that there were not times of pain, discomfort and even a moment of despair and loneliness. But I was blessed with a hope that all would be well regardless of the outcome.

Grace and peace,
Tim